Wednesday, May 5, 2010

For My Four

I used to be a writer. Before kids, before my husband, before real life. When I was little, I would write stories for hours, dreaming of fanciful adventures in faraway places. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd without hesitation respond: a writer. It was a passion.

When I grew up, I did become a writer. And a photographer. Yet a bit of the innocence and fantasy had departed as I had become a newspaper reporter. My job was to report the news, with no embellishments and no fictional tales. I took photos of what happened, exactly as it happened. There was not much room for the creative mind I'd once utilized as a child, sitting in my backyard with my notebook and paper. It was facts that made up my stories. It was life.

And then I had my first child. And my second and third, and now my fourth. And as I transitioned from working outside the home, to primarily working inside the home, writing quickly became about them. Writing in their baby books, recording every milestone they achieved. Writing on this blog, journaling about what their current passions and hobbies are. And somehow, my passions and hobbies evolved into them.

I am still a writer. I write about how my children touch my heart everyday. About how they challenge me to be
more...more of a person modeled after Christ so that He is what they see in me. I write about guilt, feeling that so many days I can't seem to measure up to what I wish I could be for them, for my husband, and friends, and ultimately for the Lord. I write about how I am so full of joy when I look at my children, that I feel like I may burst. I write about how thankful I am for my own mother, and how I can finally realize all that she sacrificed to be the self-less mother she truly is. And I write about how my life would not be the same had I not had these four children. Everything I write is intertwined with them somehow, because they are a part of me and I, a part of them.

I took a photo of the kids the other day as we spent a little leisure time by a nearby lake. The three oldest were sitting together, side-by-side, peering out into the water. I sat Gavin down beside them, grabbed the camera and snapped a couple shots.

And as I looked at the images from that day, I was inspired to write once again, about them.

This poem is entitled, '
For my Four.'

As a child I dreamed of life, of what would someday be
I dreamed of being a writer and of what I may achieve
Of rewards that would fulfill, and make me a person of worth
And of earning acclamations that would prove my existence on earth

And now I am a writer, but one of greater cause
Worth far more than money or fame, or an audience applause
I am a wife to a man of the Lord and mother to my four,
I am a woman following Christ, and striving to be more
More than anything this world can give, more than earthly awards can bestow
I am a mother whose purpose in life is to help my four to grow

At times it seems without reward, and lacking much prestige
But I know that being a mom to my four is more than what is seen
It's the hidden treasures that lie in heaven as my four learn and become
The people the Lord would have them to be, people that overcome
That set aside things the world would tell us to strive for
That become people the Lord can use, people of purpose, wanting more

More than this world can offer in pretty packages, or in fame, fortune or gold
I pray my four become servants of God shaped through this mother by His mold

And so as a mother to my four, my passion for writing has changed
Its not about me anymore, my priorities have been rearranged
I pray my children will always see that the Lord comes first
my passions I give to writing, my husband, my four

so that I am never left wanting more

I pray that as my children dream overlooking a lake of possibilities, that whatever they become someday they choose to give it to the Lord. That their passions are found in Him, and they can experience the fulfillment only He can bring us. Greater than any passions, any awards that can be achieved on this earth is He. He is our deliverer and our true contentment can only be found in Him, not in any passion pursued by our own hearts.

{Thanks for visiting my Black & White Wednesday photo entry...yes I know, the writer in me got the best of this post! Sorry :) But I hope you enjoyed the photo too! For more black & white photography, visit The Long Road to China.}


jenbusymom said...

What a great shot and a great writer you are! Lovely post!

Wanda said...

Ahhh.....that's the magic of motherhood. Nothing can compare.

You have a gift of writing. And I love how you are using it!

And that capture with little one looking back? Adorable!

Julia Kulish said...

Beautiful, Angie - the words and the photo. Love that little Gavin is looking back at you - just precious. Nice job

Kim said...

What a lucky four you have! The poem is beautiful and one they will always cherish.

You definately have a gift for writing and now you get to write about the good stuff. I started as a journalism major in college but I took my first new wrtining class and I was DONE. I am more of a creative writer which is why I love blogging.

Have a very happy Mother's day!

Frau said...

Beautiful....words and picture! Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Faith Hope Love Photography said...

So perfectly put...I love your b& is just so silent and awesome! I love your truely gets me by sometimes when I am trying to do the same thing along the way trying to raise my kids knowing the Lord and helpful knowing that someone else is trying to do the same!

Life with Kaishon said...

Wow. that is amazing. I love this story! : ) I love that you were inspired to write. That image is so lovely. I am glad that you captured that exact moment. Perfection.

Mei Mei s and Mayhem said...

LIke I have said before I look forward to your posts every week.

What beautiful words to put with such a treasured picture!! You have the most amazing talent.

Love Letters To China said...

What an amazing photo of your four little ones. Your poem was very inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing.

Mom2Isabel said...

What a gift to your have such a compassionate and talented mother.
That first shot is just amazing... the way the baby on the right is turning around and looking right at the camera.
It gives me chills.
Just stunning.

Lynn said...

Thank you for sharing! I enjoy your writing and photography and to have a passion is wonderful.

Donna said...

I LOVE how Gavin is turning around and looking at you in the photo. Adorable!

A picture paints a thousands words but your words paint a beautiful picture too.

Our Blog: Double Happiness!

TanyaLea said...

Wow Angie...this is one of my favorite posts of yours EVER! Truly, truly beautiful!! (can I have your autograph!?!) ;) fame have the best job on earth, and your children are blessed to have you as their mother!!

And THANK YOU SO MUCH for the surprise package in the mail today. I can't wait to see my Khloe in your Chloe's adorable outfits... we SO have the same taste in clothing!

God bless! <><


Growing Up A Country Girl said...

Love the picture - very well done! and how precious that the little one is keeping an eye on mom... beautiful writing... Once a writer always a writer!

Valerie and Jeff said...

Angie, I meant to post yesterday and unfortunately my browser crashed just at that moment. I think it was as moved as I was! Seriously, I was in tears with this one! What a BEAUTIFUL post. You are so talented in so many ways ... the best of which is being a mom. You blend your blessed talents in with your life so well. And the fact that you cherish this time with your four blessings is so sweet. It is amazing when we take a step back and take one of those "mental snapshots" that just blow your hair back!! Can you believe all that has happened for you in Jason in the last 10 year? Amazing what God does with "His clay!" He is the ultimate artist and I am SO blessed to see Him working through you in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your beautiful love for your family and the Lord with us all. (And can you believe ... the "word verification" that I'm about to type in for this comment ... is "amenn."
I am NOT kidding.
God is so cool :-)

Elouise82 said...

A beautiful poem, and I love the picture! Especially with the baby looking at the camera - and you. Priceless!

JinXiu said...

What a great shot and a great writer you are!
thank you

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

OH BEAUTIFUL!!! Love the poem......and the photo......just gorgeous!!

Hope you have a Happy Mother's Day~