For My Four

I used to be a writer. Before kids, before my husband, before real life. When I was little, I would write stories for hours, dreaming of fanciful adventures in faraway places. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd without hesitation respond: a writer. It was a passion.

When I grew up, I did become a writer. And a photographer. Yet a bit of the innocence and fantasy had departed as I had become a newspaper reporter. My job was to report the news, with no embellishments and no fictional tales. I took photos of what happened, exactly as it happened. There was not much room for the creative mind I'd once utilized as a child, sitting in my backyard with my notebook and paper. It was facts that made up my stories. It was life.

And then I had my first child. And my second and third, and now my fourth. And as I transitioned from working outside the home, to primarily working inside the home, writing quickly became about them. Writing in their baby books, recording every milestone they achieved. Writing on this blog, journaling about what their current passions and hobbies are. And somehow, my passions and hobbies evolved into them.

I am still a writer. I write about how my children touch my heart everyday. About how they challenge me to be more...more of a person modeled after Christ so that He is what they see in me. I write about guilt, feeling that so many days I can't seem to measure up to what I wish I could be for them, for my husband, and friends, and ultimately for the Lord. I write about how I am so full of joy when I look at my children, that I feel like I may burst. I write about how thankful I am for my own mother, and how I can finally realize all that she sacrificed to be the self-less mother she truly is. And I write about how my life would not be the same had I not had these four children. Everything I write is intertwined with them somehow, because they are a part of me and I, a part of them.

I took a photo of the kids the other day as we spent a little leisure time by a nearby lake. The three oldest were sitting together, side-by-side, peering out into the water. I sat Gavin down beside them, grabbed the camera and snapped a couple shots.

And as I looked at the images from that day, I was inspired to write once again, about them.



This poem is entitled, 'For my Four.'

As a child I dreamed of life, of what would someday be
I dreamed of being a writer and of what I may achieve
Of rewards that would fulfill, and make me a person of worth
And of earning acclamations that would prove my existence on earth

And now I am a writer, but one of greater cause
Worth far more than money or fame, or an audience applause
I am a wife to a man of the Lord and mother to my four,
I am a woman following Christ, and striving to be more
More than anything this world can give, more than earthly awards can bestow
I am a mother whose purpose in life is to help my four to grow

At times it seems without reward, and lacking much prestige
But I know that being a mom to my four is more than what is seen
It's the hidden treasures that lie in heaven as my four learn and become
The people the Lord would have them to be, people that overcome
That set aside things the world would tell us to strive for
That become people the Lord can use, people of purpose, wanting more

More than this world can offer in pretty packages, or in fame, fortune or gold
I pray my four become servants of God shaped through this mother by His mold

And so as a mother to my four, my passion for writing has changed
Its not about me anymore, my priorities have been rearranged
I pray my children will always see that the Lord comes first
my passions I give to Him...my writing, my husband, my four
so that I am never left wanting more

I pray that as my children dream overlooking a lake of possibilities, that whatever they become someday they choose to give it to the Lord. That their passions are found in Him, and they can experience the fulfillment only He can bring us. Greater than any passions, any awards that can be achieved on this earth is He. He is our deliverer and our true contentment can only be found in Him, not in any passion pursued by our own hearts.

{Thanks for visiting my Black & White Wednesday photo entry...yes I know, the writer in me got the best of this post! Sorry :) But I hope you enjoyed the photo too! For more black & white photography, visit The Long Road to China.}